1. What if Sister Souljah says “Sike! Here’s the real book”?
2. What if Coming 2 America messed around and found the right makeup and lighting for Eddie, Arsenio and Shari?
3. What if Blake Griffin didn’t have bad legs and actually still had the ability to dunk? (Also, what if I wasn’t still bitter about him breaking down in the playoffs every year back when I had season tickets? Grrrr.)
4. What if one of the conditions of Meghan and Harry staying with Tyler was that they have to star in one of his stage plays? Or worse, name their new baby Tyler?
5. What if the weather would make up its mind and remain in the 70s instead of teasing us for days at a time?
6. What if we all just acknowledged that the “Scoop! There It Is” commercial is the best thing on television right now and the “Sprinkles!” toss is the underrated icing on the proverbial ice cream?
7. What if Atlanta really has found the cure for COVID-19 and won’t share with the rest of us because of that one time we made fun of how they got stuck on the highway for hours during an ice storm?
8. What if I had a normal sleep routine?
9. What if Pat Sajak got the credit he deserved for being the king of corny dad jokes?
10. What if the vaccine gives Queen Latifah superpowers and she does her fight scenes in regular speed on The Equalizer going forward?
11. What if Bruno Mars’ porn mustache is really a tattoo and he can never get rid of it?
12. What if the networks and streaming services didn’t air ANY of their series until ALL of the episodes were shot and edited? (And heretofore, what if this was a veiled shot at #ThisIsUs for teasing us with ‘maybe’ episodes all season long?!)
13. What if we got to punch somebody every time a person on Clubhouse said “Thank you for creating this space”?
14. What if Dame Lilliard, who is literally carrying his team on his back this season, was given the same narrative that the stat-padding Russell Westbrook was given during his MVP* season?
15. What if ALL of our kids (hey. shut up. I got baby cousins… lol) went to HBCUs and every single campus turned into a dope version of Wakanda? (I would’ve said Zumunda but our kids shouldn’t have to be relegated to wearing only Pumas…)
16. Hear me out on this one: What if, in addition to reluctantly passing out the #stimmychex, the government actually cracks down on the companies calling us daily about fake car warranties?
17. What if WandaVision is the best we get from Marvel this year?
18. What if we all got to do what we love and were afforded universal healthcare so we could do what we love without having to worry about whether we could either pay for medicine or pay bills?
Man. What if… ?